After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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