Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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