So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
