I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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