i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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