Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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