whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
try to milk me bitch
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
