im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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