: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
