so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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