So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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