Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't turn off my feet"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
