The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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