You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
