she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
