True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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