Where is the hickey?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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