Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize