I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
