We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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