I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize