His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
