my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
