if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
