I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
soo... how was my night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize