I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
