We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize