For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
