Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
