she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
