Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize