Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
