At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
