im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize