Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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