My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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