I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
