just come out here and I will go home with you...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize