Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The air was thick with penises
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
