my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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