Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're like the curious george of whores
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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