You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
