The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
