I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
