like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
