the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize