sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
