well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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