I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
should my penis look like a turkey
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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