i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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