Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
