i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
