Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
