I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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