I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
