Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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