Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
