apparently the secret to your success is patron
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
