She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
