its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
