how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
