My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
