Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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