I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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