She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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