When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
