Barsexuality is the new black.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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