im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize