my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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