I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
