So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
