Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
