well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
