my phone needs a breathalizer
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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