you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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