Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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