mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize