dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
