i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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