Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
