he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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