I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
