I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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