babies were throwing up all over the place
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
