i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
