oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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