at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
