I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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