so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
