Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
