How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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