Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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