I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
