And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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