Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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