omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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