After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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