Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
