do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
