C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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