Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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