Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
