I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
