Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
